Mother of the Bride: Once her mother, always her mother
Reflections on the roller-coaster ride of being the mother of the bride.
On the morning of July 5, I woke up. My eyes opened and realization washed over me. The wedding was done. My daughter was now a married woman. There was no longer a wedding checklist. There would be no more late-night trips to Wal-Mart for this or that. There’d be no more texts from Britten about her latest wedding-related Pinterest find. Where I thought I’d find relief, a sense of loss rushed in instead. I felt empty and without a purpose. A major life milestone had come and gone as fast as my daughter could say, “I do.”
I was never the mother who cried when her kid went off to school. This empty feeling felt so foreign to me. Later that day, through the sweat and miles of a Brushy Creek bike ride, a sniffle turned into a full-blown sobbing cry fest. It was a catch-your-breath kind of cry the rest of the ride, and I needed to make sure I wasn’t getting dehydrated from my tears. My caring husband asked if I was having a nervous breakdown. He had a point. I was a mess.
My emotions were coming from so many places. In reflecting on the process, I realized I probably neglected my husband and my son from time to time, yet they remained patient and supportive. I also had the value of my friendships reinforced. Longtime friend Diane Keen drove in from Dallas to help with all the flower décor, and Rachel Elsberry videotaped the wedding-day details and ceremony. It was a reminder that the friendships I have are more sister-like than just of the fair-weather variety or that my friends are just convenient people to help me save money. I felt a true sense of gratitude for these amazing women in my life.
The dynamic with my daughter for seven months was certainly different while planning a wedding. It was joyous but also challenging. I had to act as a mother and be stern with her when she was heading toward Bridezilla-ville and remind her that family, friends and Dylan were most important. At the end of the day, no one gives a flip about what lace is on the garter, the flowers or if the table runners match.
On Britten’s wedding day, her vintage-garden theme came to life right before my eyes. Her love of family heirlooms and rabbits showed throughout the venue, with antique candleholders from her great-grandmother, my vintage teapots used as centerpieces and a thrift-store typewriter I found about 20 years ago as an entry-table welcome-card holder. Other touches included my mother’s bride’s Bible opened up on the antique dresser from my husband’s family, which served as the altar.
Before Britten walked down the aisle, I buttoned her into her Maggie Sottero lace gown. As I fastened the top of its 40 buttons, one by one, tears put my waterproof mascara to the test. The bridesmaids took over. I was a mess. Britten glistened as she walked with her dad through the Stonehouse Villa ballroom to her high-school sweetheart. In a short, memorable and joyful ceremony, Britten and Dylan were married. She walked down the aisle my little girl and walked back a woman with a life full of adventures ahead of her. And I now have a son-in-law.
That night, as I made the 45-minute ride back to Austin, I reflected on several things. I felt so thankful that I have a daughter who wanted me to be a part of her wedding milestones, which included a bridal shower and a bridal slumber party. I am so happy my daughter is someone who loved the handcrafted items I made, items I know she will cherish forever. I was also touched she used family heirlooms in her wedding décor. And what a treat to take my own bridal portrait of her that proudly hangs in my home.
As I started my day July 5, no longer an MOB and feeling the loss of my daughter, my phone rang. It was Britten. I heard a high-pitched “Hi, Mama!” My heart melted and I cried again. My little girl never left. She is now a married woman, but I will always be the mother of the bride.
What I Know for Sure About Being the Mother of the Bride
1. Communication is key and it’s the backbone of this entire process. Give your daughter the benefit of the doubt with her planning process and use the Smile, Breath and Shut Up technique often.
2. Being a good MOB is something that takes patience and you need to earn your daughter’s trust—quietly.
3. Document the entire process! Your cellphone camera is your friend and you’ll capture those sweet moments for both of you to enjoy. I cherish my mother-daughter selfies.
4. I found out my daughter is a lot more like me than I thought, and she came to the same realization going through this process.
5. Brides take on a different personality when faced with enormous amounts of stress. She will return to her old self once the wedding is done, I promise.
6. Pick only one item you won’t budge on. For me, it was to have an indoor ceremony July 4. It was my one line in the sand, and later, Britten thanked me, and my family did too.
7. In the end, while my daughter was so involved in the planning process to make things perfect, she later said the day went by so fast and it was all a big blur.
8. And lastly, while you think things will change because she’s a wife and you’ve lost her to a husband, you’ll realize, as I did quickly after the wedding, that, to her, you will always be Mom.
Photo courtesy of Cheryl Bemis.
Mother of the Bride: The Engagement
Share