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One of my New Year’s resolutions was to be more present with my family and my children. And as I look at my to-do list, I realize one of the things that keeps me from this is my constant desire for everything to be the best it can be – whether I’m organizing a birthday party, helping my son with a school project, cooking dinner for friends or working on my neighborhood association newsletter. Help! I’m beginning to realize my perfectionist ways are affecting my relationships. I’d like to stop this pattern and reconnect with my loved ones.
– Shelley, 44
Shortly after giving birth to my son, I realized that my expectations of having a really clean house, serving healthy, home-cooked meals, adding new services to my coaching business, nurturing a relationship with my husband, staying involved on community boards and being the primary caregiver for my son were simply unrealistic.
Something had to give. I couldn’t continue to keep over-delivering in all areas of my life. Being a perfectionist for years had left me exhausted and spent. I was ready for a change.
One of the biggest benefits that came from finally embracing the concept of self-care* (taking time to fill my cup first before helping others) was the realization that my perfectionist approach was the root cause of most of the stress in my life. No one around me was asking for more from me – it was all coming from the demands I was placing on myself!
I also realized the kindest self-care action I could take was to release self-critical thoughts and relax about my expectations around parenting (and everything else!).
In that first year after my son’s birth, I changed the way I approached a lot of things, including implementing a flexible work schedule, limiting volunteer involvement, becoming proficient at saying “no,” only spending time with friends who “fed me,” and eliminating a lot of extracurricular activities. But, more than anything, I changed my attitude from I want everything to be the best it can be to the healthier and much more human mantra good is good enough.
And for the first time, I really started enjoying the things in life that were most important to me.
Part of being able to relax into the mentality of “good is good enough” is understanding where your priorities lie. We have a finite amount of energy. If your relationships need extra nurturing or attention, you may need to live with a messy house, decline invitations to take on volunteer or new work assignments, or eat frozen pizza for dinner. And that’s more than okay.
Would you rather continually strive for perfection and be a slave to your never-ending to-do list, or have your child remember moments when you dropped the vacuum cleaner to come outside and look at the beautiful rainbow stretching across the sky? Or stopped working on the computer to give your partner a quick neck rub and ask how he’s doing?
The next time you begin something new or feel like you’re in the center ring juggling more balls than you can handle, pause. It’s completely up to you as to how you approach the job. Executing every task in a Martha Stewart-like fashion typically means your self-care (or your family’s well-being) may suffer.
Try on the “good is good enough” approach. It may be just the mantra you need to maintain your sanity and sense of well-being. It will allow you to relax and be more present with your family.
*Download a free chapter on “The Power of Self-Care” or read more about the “Good is Good Enough” theme from The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal at ReneeTrudeau.com.
UPCOMING RENÉE TRUDEAU EVENTS
Feb. 23 | 7:30-8:30 PM Learn to practice good is good enough in your life, slow down and live more intentionally in 2010: register for a FREE Good is Good Enough teleclass via phone with Renée Trudeau: LiveInside-Out.com
apr. 23-25 | Women’s Self-Renewal
Retreat at The Crossings
Register for all events at RenéeTrudeau.com.
Renée Peterson Trudeau is a nationally recognized career/life balance coach, speaker and president of Career Strategists. A sought-after media expert, her work has been featured in US News and World Report, Working Mother, Yogi Times, Good Housekeeping and AARP, and she regularly presents life balance workshops for corporations, organizations and at conferences around the world. Trudeau is the author of the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life. Thousands of women around the globe are joining and becoming trained to lead self-renewal groups based on the Guide, as a way to enhance balance and well-being in their lives. RenéeTrudeau.com | CareerStrategists.net