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Bonnie Friedman’s mother Rose died of breast cancer when Friedman was five years old. Her mother frequently visited hospitals to give emotional support to women with cancer. Today – and for many years now – the Baltimore native has continued her mother’s work in supporting women with cancer as a wig stylist at Pat Painter’s Hair, a salon for men and women in North Austin. Cancer has been a lifelong adversary of Friedman’s. In addition to losing her mother to cancer, Friedman’s two aunts died of the disease. Three cousins and her brother were diagnosed and are now in remission. As a preventative measure, Friedman has had a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy. “I wanted to get it before it happened,” she explained.
Her bright blue-and-white hair, long purple fingernails and dramatic eye makeup go perfectly with Friedman’s outgoing, utterly frank personality. The artificial red roses on her umbrella, the rainbow of cards from grateful former clients, affectionate hugs for everyone and throaty laugh make her unforgettable.
Friedman’s specialty is helping women undergoing chemotherapy. She counsels them about what the chemo will do to their hair, shaves them and helps them find wigs. But with Friedman, this potentially wrenching time becomes a loving, fun, bonding moment between the client, Friedman and the woman’s friends and family. At Friedman’s “Shave Parties,” loved ones gather around with wine glasses, drinks and smiles. Friedman keeps them entertained with her bawdy sense of humor. She shaves the clients’ thinning hair into a Mohawk, then shaves it all off. Friedman snaps photos. And the women go home with beautiful wigs, having had a moment they were dreading transformed into a moment of joy.
“You are able to take what is truly a frightful and traumatic experience and turn tears of pain into tears of laughter,” Karen Greif, the co-founder of Cancer Connection, wrote in a thank-you letter. “You have a very special gift.” Friedman shaved Donna Johnson’s head at a “wig party” last summer. And now, thanks to Friedman, Johnson has five wigs – a redhead, two blonde and two brown. “I’m so thankful I met Bonnie,” Johnson said. “She’s so passionate about her work. I tell everyone, ‘you’ve got to go over there.’ ”
Beth Hellerstedt, a physician with Texas Oncology, said that for many patients, “hair loss is a hard obstacle to overcome. Bonnie takes this toxicity and turns it into an opportunity for laughter and empowerment.”
To Friedman, being a stylist for cancer patients “is not a job. I love what I do. I make the toughest part of their life better. It’s such an honor. No money in the world can make me feel better than when these women hug me.” Women are so brave when facing cancer, yet losing their hair can be “the toughest part,” Friedman said. “When you lose your hair, people can see you’re sick. It’s so profound.” The memory of her mother permeates her work. “I feel I’m helping people she would have helped,” Friedman said. “It’s something that was meant to be.”
Friedman supports cancer patients in many other ways, whether by attending Breast Cancer Resource Center events, or handing out purple bracelets and buttons that say “F*** Cancer.” (Friedman’s friend Debbie Farley makes the items.) Friedman also goes to sit with her clients and friends during their chemotherapy sessions on her days off.
She wanted to become a stylist because “I just loved doing hair, loved making people look better,” she said. Friedman, both single and childless, moved to Austin in 1989 to be closer to her brother, Henry. When Friedman first arrived in Austin, she worked a variety of jobs, including stints as a limo driver and waitress. Twelve years ago she was hired at Pat Painter’s.
Although most of her clients have breast cancer, Friedman also works with women suffering from other types of cancer, and with men too. One male patient had her make a curly wig for him so he could be in his daughter’s wedding. He had lost his natural hair because of chemotherapy. “When he walked down the aisle, nobody knew,” Friedman said.
Even though she lost her mother at a young age, Friedman thinks of her every day. “Every time I walk out of the chemo places, I can feel that she’s with me.”
Bonding with Bonnie
Q: What is the most inspiring part of your job?
A: Making a difference in people’s lives, to have them walk out of our salon and smile. My friends with cancer say I took an ugly situation and made it wonderful.
Q: What are your favorite places in Austin?
A: I love downtown and the old houses. I love driving up in the Hill Country. Every day I can’t believe I’m here. You can be anything here, you can look any way you like.
Q: What would people be surprised to know about you?
A: People think I have no problems. But I get scared and sad sometimes too.
Q: What’s your lifetime dream?
A: I’m living it! It couldn’t get any better.
Q: And the future?
A: To keep doing what I’m doing as long as I’m able.
Q: What is your favorite movie?
A: It’s a Wonderful Life. You’re rich, when you have friends.
Favorite charity in Austin?
The Breast Cancer Resource Center.
They are fantastic. I go to all the BCRC events.
MORE INFO:
patpainterhair.com